Who Needs a Support Group?

Who Needs a Support Group?

By Robin Norman

I’d applied to WARM for a search for my birthmother. All the literature I’d received from them encouraged me to attend a support group. I’d put it off, thinking that support groups were for people who needed support. I didn’t need support! My husband had encouraged–no–pushed me into searching for my birthmother so I had him for support. Of course, I didn’t actually talk to him about how I felt. I didn’t know how I felt. I had a family legacy of not thinking or feeling or talking about adoption…other than to say how lucky I was to have been adopted.

Certainly, I knew there was more to it than that. After all, I had forty years of wordless thoughts and formless fantasies about “her.” She was a nameless, faceless part of me, hovering out there just beyond my reach. I knew that finding her “someday” was secondary only to having my own children on my “What I Have To Do Before I Die” list. Well, I’d had my children, and they were almost grown. It was time for item number two! So I figured I’d just do it, say thanks, and get on with my life. No problem! Feelings…emotions…me?

I talked to the WARM office. “How much longer?” I asked.

The lady on the phone said, “Soon. Be patient. Have you been to a support group yet?”

“Oh, I don’t need support.” I replied confidently. “I love my parents. I couldn’t have asked for a better family.”

“How do they feel about you searching?” she asked.

I spent the rest of the day crying. I went to a support group meeting. I went to lots of support group meetings.

So who needs a support group?

  • If you are an adoptee, or birth parent considering a search…
  • If you are an adoptee or birth parent in search…
  • If you are an adoptee or birth parent who has been found…
  • If you are an adoptive parent of any age adoptee…
  • If you are considering adopting a child…
  • If you want to understand what in the world is happening to any of the above…


Robin Norman is a reunited adoptee. She served as one of WARM’s office communicators and was the facilitator for the Seattle Support Group Meetings for several years. She is married, has two daughters and a granddaughter.

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